A Different Type of Journey

No prompts, no guidelines- Simply me

Side note: (Created back in October 0f 2010)  I decided to make my own prompt, “Lost and Found- The real meaning of the phrase.”  This is not a journal for a class, but my own personal thoughts spewed across the page.  I felt the need to write, to create, to express the culminating experience I have had throughout my European journey.  And here it goes.

The class I just came from, the culminating class to Stories and Traditions, got me thinking- which is not all that surprising considering these entire past eight weeks have kept my mind in a constant frenzy.  Every single day I wake up to learn, not just about the culture surrounding me, but about myself.  Someone in class brought up the topic of finding yourself here.  I have said that phrase as well in these past couple of weeks as I sat on a roof talking to my newly dear friend Maria.  I have sorted through endless thoughts that burdened me back home in the States.  Every buzz and ring of the cell phone I leapt at, and every boyfriend I had ever had remained in the back of my thoughts as I contemplated why things turned out how they did.  However, sitting in Castel Gandolfo, for the first time in my life, I felt nothing but freedom.  Freedom from obligations- whether it be picking up that cell phone and responding, heading off to work bright and early in the morning, or even sitting down to unwind and watch my favorite television shows.  Yet instead of needing to relax from a day of distractions, I unwound from the constant input of new information and learning I found in every moment here. 

But to be honest, I do not believe anyone is ever truly found.  Life is an entire journey of finding and being on an endless expedition of "Who am I?".  Every person one talks to, one learns a little bit about themselves or life in general.  Whether it be a good friend or family member and having a deep, meaningful conversation, or dealing with that self-absorbed, hard to please customer you realize you never want to be.  There is always a fork in the road one must choose between, showing that you have not really reached that final destination- not yet.

 

Every conversation, every moment is new and fresh.  Do we catch ourselves in ruts of repetition and find ourselves stagnant?  Absolutely.  Back home, I have almost the same routine.  During the school year, I wake up at the same time for class, pour myself the same bowl of cereal, check my email address and facebook, wash my face and put on makeup the same way, change, and head to class.  I go to lunch and dinner at the same time with mostly the same people, go back to my dorm room and study from the same books, and repeat the very next day.  On the weekends I journey on home to spend time with my family.  I wake up going through the same routine, go to the same place I have worked at for the past five years, come home and maybe play with my dog or stop at the store nearby, and continue on back to school that Sunday night.  Here, in Italy, I found that even on this endless journey I have forced myself to develop my own routine.  I wake up, check online for any updates I am missing back home, get ready, head down to breakfast, and am off to class.  Afterwards we take the train into the city, take endless amounts of pictures, complete what we need to do, head back to campus, finish my work, and go to bed.  When it comes down to it, it seems that everyone loves a great routine, but my question is why?

Many people do not like to feel like they are lost.  People often want to be in control, avoid change and the unfamiliar, and stay with what they know.  Yet, here in Italy, many of us have found that being lost has created some of the best experiences possible.  Getting lost in Sorrento, Maria and I found ourselves on a beautiful stretch of God’s earth- a beach and boardwalk off of a boating dock.  We continued on back and found ourselves at a random hotel having a coffee and a three hour conversation about life and love.  Getting lost in Rome, I have found a slice of confidence and independence I did not know I had within.  Instead of plugging my GPS into my car, I walked around anywhere and everywhere- most commonly in the wrong direction.  I have been separated from the entire group and panicked, only to find that I had the ability to be on my own in a great big city and have everything turn out not just okay, but wonderful.  I found myself saying “dov’e,” the Italian phrase for “where is,” more often than hello and goodbye.  And by not understanding the directions given, I have found myself at the best gelaterias, having the heartiest, most genuine laughs with a great group of people I had not previously known. 

Possibly most importantly, getting lost in my thoughts has been the greatest journey of all.  I have written numerous personal journals of self-exploration, questions which may never be answered, and ideas I will cherish for a lifetime.  I have found what I believe to be important.  Sitting on the roof with a friend, sitting on beaches across the Italian coast, sitting on a train for forty minutes a day each way, I have had time for reflection and sorting out what was lost back home.  Instead of being tied down by obligations and stress, the ropes were loosened and I was free to go beyond the life I had back home.  I was and am able to see more clearly than before, and through that freedom to be lost, I have chosen paths which helped me to find.  I have found friendships in others, developed a love for myself, had dreams become reality, and discovered the potential of a boundless faith in God.  I have found that being lost is the best way to discover, to learn, and to see.  That to think you found yourself completely leaves out room to get lost again and continue to learn.  That routines are not bad, but should be broken now and again to free oneself from daily obligation.  I have found that even when life gets ugly and you do not know where to turn, life is beautiful because you are not there just yet.  You still have time to get lost, to find a little bit more on that path, and get lost yet again as you make that next turn in the road.  I am only in Italy for five more days, but I still have a lifetime of many more decisions to make, people to meet, and dreams to create.  The beauty of life lives on in that I still have time to get lost.